Oh, shit. New reports are saying that the whackos at the Church of Scientology are out to recruit Robert Pattinson following the massive heart-break caused by his cheating whore ex-girlfriend, Kristen Stewart.

Apparently, they came to Rob in the form of the big mouth actress Kirstie Alley, who happens to be his neighbor in Los Angeles. The bitch drove over to Rob’s house on the day of the break-up announcement — hung out with Rob inside for awhile, then headed straight over to the Scientology’s Celebrity Centre in Hollywood to let them know how it all went.

Let’s hope we don’t see Rob jumping on couches anytime soon.